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He nudges me in to my higher self when I don’t even know I’ve left.

In previous relationships I would have said- “All you want to do is CHANGE me! Why can’t you just enjoy me for who I am right now?”

But I’ve grown to realize that I don’t want complacency.

I don’t want my lover to see me in a lower energy and not do or say anything about it.

Then, how will I grow?

Every time he points me in a direction of my higher self I ask myself these questions-

“Is that in harmony with my truth?"

"Is that in integrity with my higher self?"

"Is he seeing something that I WANT to become?”

The answer is always yes, but if it isn’t... that’s where free will and boundaries come into play. Bam.

I also used to see MAJOR places in which I desired to be different in him.

I could see where he wasn’t stepping in to his power, his voice, his masculinity... and I kept saying to him... “But I feel bad asking for these things... I don’t want to change you!”

He looked at me with all of his presence- “Ashae... you have to understand that everything you want for me, I want for myself too.”

That is the key with these desires and holding space for our partners to continually meet their higher embodiment of self.

We have to SEE and hold space and be patient...

They have to WANT to join.

I used to get triggered and I’d start separating myself emotionally when I perceived that Lucien was not being present with me.

What I was really doing at that time?

I was trying to control every single moment of our time together, putting me in a masculine embodiment inside myself.

I was not trusting his ability to take care of himself and be present with himself, already looking down on him by doing so and not seeing him in his highest.

And most importantly, I wasn’t facing the fact that the presence I craved is the presence that I’ve craved my whole life. From early on. A childhood wound, if you will.

Our partners will never be able to meet a gaping wound inside of ourselves... And we will continue to project onto them that they aren’t “meeting us” but what they are really not doing is... meeting our wound.

And this is a good thing.

Perhaps as we grow and evolve with our partners, give each other love and compassion and ecstasy and learning... perhaps as we hold each other with empathy and give attention to every space of pain... perhaps within all of that we are meant to find that once again... the true beloved is the beloved within.

No seeking. No searching. Only merging, inside. And becoming, outside.

As I do the work to transform every single one of my triggers... ... I become more light in my body and mind and more loving a partner, a feminine, a free spirit beautiful lover to this relationship and this world.

Our relationship expands and heals and erotically becomes itself at its highest form.

Our soulmates will always mirror to us where we haven't healed and came into greater and greater levels of our light.

Ready to do the deep work too?

Download our Triggered e-book from the homepage.


Going deep within the wound.

Not leaving any last soldier of separation behind.

Because when shit hits the fan, and theres some trauma to process or to move through, even when you do it all and move on..

little bits of it can linger...

creating low levels of separation in the field tearing at both of your hearts.

This usually goes un-detected.

You must be a subconscious stalker of your own mind to catch where there is a lack of integration, a piece of you whom still feels hurt and needing to be held.

Over a few months ago, Lucien + I had an intense evening... where both of us experienced levels of pain.

The story of what happened, not important.

What is is this: we thought we had moved through all the energies and healed... but over time it was clear that there was a last bit of unconditionally loving work, communication from the heart, and energetic clearing to do.

It’s okay to go back to explore what still needs processing.

It’s okay to say, “Look.. I know we let this go... but part of me is still holding on.”

Simply being open with the injury... and allowing your partner to see you in that space, is healing in itself.

My love invoked a space of unconditional light and healing... called in our higher selves to be present with us.. and he spoke what was still on his heart.

Then, I did the same.

What I found.. and I think I can speak for us both.. is that nothing unresolved passes.

I had in my consciousness for a few days... “It’ll just pass in time.” But... no.

Things do heal with time, but only if they are completely resolved in your consciousness.

The heart is a delicate one, and we must care and tend to it with the most amount of consciousness and compassion that we can.

And when the resolution arrives... aka all parties feel seen, heard, held, and loved through what was painful... it’s party time!!! ;-)

The amount of connection, intimacy, + closeness that piecing together those last pieces and speaking them into the field can do for you is profound.

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